What keeps repeating in your life?

life coach

I coach and train an individual that I will call “Sean” for anonymity purposes. Our weekly focus is to discuss his feelings and outcomes behind why he has not gotten to the next level in his career and personal life. Prior to our coaching, there have been several things in his life that keep recurring. His financial levels remain the same, the relationships always go the same direction, and his level of close friendship seems to always remain shallow.

Sean is now exercising a little which is more of a time to reflect and is eating better. However, he has mixed this in with life coaching with me. During our virtual one-on-one, we came to realize that Sean has cellular and emotional memories that impact is current reactionary responses to almost everything in his life.

One of them is being when he was thirteen years old and waiting outside for his father to pick him up for the day. This is just an event he recalls but the feeling behind this event is constant and one of the continuum reactions in his relationships. His father and mother were divorced and there was no court order to pay child support or spend amble quality time. With this one event, Sean waited for hours watching each car come over the hill hoping it was his dads. He recalls the sun setting and his mom looking on with pity as he kept hoping there was a good reason for being late. Unfortunately, his father never showed up or called.

Like most if not all kids, Sean desired his father to be a part of his life. He always wanted to impress him at his Karate tournaments, games, and events but as usual, his father would not show up or appear very interested in Sean’s life and trials he faced as a young boy. This is one reason Sean to this day has never tried to succeed at anything with 100% conviction. If he feels there is no support, he quickly becomes discouraged and gives up.

These types of experience (This is just one of them) created a self-worth issue for this now grown man. Sean’s vivid experiences and memories of his relationship with his father have conditioned Sean with a low self-worth and a lack of trust in others including his religions concept of God. Sean has grown up worshiping a god that has a description of a father-like figure. The feelings of let down and not showing up for him is only strengthen when he feels his prayers are not answered or the sense of loneliness still exist even after going to church.

Sean’s issue with completing the things he starts and his lack of trust in others stems from his cellular feelings of self-worth. The lack of interest his father impressed on his emotions enhanced his need for acceptance. This also has been a major influence on how Sean describes himself and how he communicates with others and even his love life. His desire to impress others and hold their attention all stems from the emotional feelings that are continually looking for ways to express themselves within his life.

We all have something that occurs continually within our existence. Like Sean, many of us have controlling personalities to self-defeating talk within our subconscious that stops us when we are about to overcome some obstacle. These feelings that act out in the little almost un-detected way if not examined will drive people to divorce, bankruptcy, loneliness, and even suicidal tendencies.

Do you find anything in common with Sean? Do you see in this short description of Sean how he would bring himself low so he could experience that exact subconscious emotion he has come to know and be comfortable with? We all should see some part of us in him, including myself. We all have a biography that is now a part of our thinking and acting out in our biology and mind.

Like Sean, I have emotional memories that impact my daily view and reaction to my life. I work on them with my own personal coach and I am here to help you understand yours. How you view, react, and create a life around your job, relationships, church, family, love, and everything in-between is all based off of your paradigm and view of reality that protects your emotional needs.

Coaching with me will help you understand your subconscious thinking and quickly embrace your responsibility to breaking the chains that create the same results in your life.

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I want to thank the squirrel in my attic – (Mind)

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I came to realize, thanks to a squirrel, that I had an erroneous mindset when it came to my goals. I had the concept of Firm-Donkey for over two years and always played around with the idea of doing something with it but always stopped at the point of writing the ideas down. However, I learned that if I raised the standards of my ‘dreaming to do’ vs. my ‘must do’, I will get what I desire to have.

We just moved to Dallas, TX, and purchased our first used home. All of our previous homes were new-builds so I was not prepared for the money costs this house would bring. One of those expenses was due to the fine acts of a damn squirrel that created a hole in our roof. This squirrel was roaming around in our attic, along with his friends, the mice and rats, who decided to show up, as well.

I was determined to eradicate these vermin from my home because I had some negative experiences growing up with them. I remember having to deal with mice running around my bedroom as I stayed on the bed trying to find ways to kill them. As a young man, I would come home to my back house where I would smell the odor of dead rats permeating from within the walls. One time, I had to actually beat a rat to death because it jumped or fell in the shower with me. These experiences were in some way very traumatic to me. I never knew how traumatic until I was faced, as an adult, with rodents in my attic.

 That same day that I was told we had a rodent problem, I quickly started looking for professionals to come out and give us estimates on how to kill and/or remove them. I also needed the holes on the side of the roof to be fixed ASAP so more of these critters wouldn’t show up.  We had three estimates from three different companies, each one being higher than the other. When it was all said and done, we chose a company that was willing to negotiate their price. We were able to work them down 50% less than the original quote. They began working at once on the issue.

Here is the epiphany!

I was not aware of how much I was willing to pay to remove rodents from my life until faced with them. I was not happy, nor prepared, to spend all that money, and especially for that particular purpose. I, however, deemed it necessary to spend every dime needed to eradicate those pests! I pulled this money from my “firm donkey” because it was more important for me (a value) to have my peace of mind and sanity in exchange for that large sum of cash.

If you told me, at that time, I would need that same exact amount of money to get my business to the next level by taking a business class, ordering a product, or paying for some type of advertisement, I would have given you a thousand reasons as to why I could not afford it. I was too complacent in the static position of my business. I didn’t feel the urgency or discomfort that was needed to push me to the next level. It was not until I was faced with one of my worst fears and anxieties (the rodents in my attic) that I could see a value in spending that money.

How does this relate to all of us? You have to face your issues and recognize what your priority is. Are you too complacent and stationary in your life?  Or do you spend money and time to eradicate those things that disturb and disrupt your peace (i.e. debt, marital problems, health, etc.)? How many years have you wasted not pursuing your dreams because you don’t hear rodents in your attic? If each one of us were to take the time to find out what’s in our attic, we could find the value in spending the time or money needed to achieve our goals and attain that peace we’ve always wanted.